Date
June 15th, 2018


"The strongest person in the world is a grieving mother that wakes up and keeps going every morning." ~. Tara Watkins Anderson

We have had counsellors and beavered parents tell us “It’s going to get harder before it get’s better.”

Excuse me? How can it possibly get any harder than it already is? I am in the depths of hell; there is nothing worse than this. But they were right. The whirlwind following Noah’s death soon settled down and reality set in. People around you start to move on with their lives and you are stuck in this nightmare that you can’t wake up from.  In this moment of time, moving on means that somehow the world is forgetting about my son. In this deep state of grief, I don’t understand how it could possibly get better.

This month we have had to be brave.  We braved the birthday parties of Noah’s little friends. Noah was always so excited for birthday parties, so we had to go in honour of Noah.  As I wrote our names out on all the birthday cards, I wrote out Noah's name - at first out of habit.  Then with warm tears rolling down my face, I promised myself that I will always include Noah's name.   After all, he is still here – he lives on in my heart. Not including his name, to me, would be like erasing my son's memory.  It is in these moments I find ways to honour Noah in this lifetime.  I have learned over the past three months, as a bereaved mother you throw yourself into circumstances and places where you break your heart into a million pieces all over again every time you experience something without your child.  You need to break, in the hope that maybe someday, it will lead to a bit of healing.  You need to be brave.  

“When you are so weak that you cannot do much more than cry, you coin diamonds with both your eyes…The sweetest prayers God ever hears are the groans and sighs of those who have no hope in anything but His love.” ~Charles Spurgeon

By the grace of God, I have somehow survived three months without Noah. Over the last three months, I have lifted silent prayers, tears, and groans to the Heavenly Father. Most of the time I don’t have the words, I just scream out His name. This burden is far too much to carry on my own. God knows my pain. He also lost a Son. My hope rests in the knowledge that one day I will see Noah again.  I have come to accept that some of prayers don't even need any words.  He hears the cry of my broken heart.

I have to brave in the days, months, and years ahead for Noah, my husband, and my daughter.  I want Abigail to experience all the wonder and joy that this beautiful world has to offer. Just as Noah did. 

I am one day closer to seeing Noah again.  

About Noah

Noah, beloved son of Luke and Ashley Catto of Calgary, AB, passed away surrounded by his loving family on March 18, 2018 at the age of 3 years. Noah was born in Calgary, Alberta on July 11, 2014. Noah was a boy full of life, joy, and light who loved Paw Patrol, cars, singing and playing outside.

Latest Posts

Noah's 6th Birthday Giveaway

Dear World

Our Story - Losing Noah, Faith over Fear, and the Noah Samuel Foundation

The Celebration

Running Towards The Roar

NoahSamuel.ca

©2024 Luke & Ashley Catto