April 8th, 2019

As Noah’s angel-versary approached, I had no idea how I would handle the weight of that day.  My heart, and mind, told me there was no way I could possibly do life that day.  As the day approached, my anxiety got worse and worse. My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest.  My breathing abnormal.  My mind was tortured and it felt like I was going mad.  How could Noah possibly have been gone for 365 days?  Why hasn't this nightmare ended yet?

In my mind there were two ways we could have handled the 18th of March.  The first option was what most people expected.  We could lay in bed, cry, and wish we had Noah in our arms again.  The second option required divine strength.  We could celebrate our sweet Noah and the fact that God gave us three and a half years with our beautiful son.  We chose the second.

It came.  March 18th.  The worst day of my life.   Every inch of my body screamed out to God in agony, and yet, by God's grace, my feet hit the ground that morning.  We headed to the place that Noah spent his last earthly day before he entered into glory - Disney's Magic Kingdom in Orlando, Florida.

We honoured Noah that day in every way we knew how.  Every single thing was about him.  We ate ice cream, cheeseburgers, and lots and lots of candy.  We rode Peter Pan, Winnie the Pooh, the Carousel, Teacups, and Dumbo over and over again until the sting turned to pure joy.  We walked by physical places we had stood with Noah just a year before.  We cried and we talked about every wonderful memory we had with him. We had a CELEBRATION of Noah.  We celebrated the fact that we knew love, laughter, and life with him.  We especially celebrated the fact, that through Jesus, we know we will see him again - and spend eternity with him!

I can think of no better of way to have celebrated the life of our sweet Noah.  

The first year was a year of survival.  I am proud of myself for surviving this first year because when I look back, there were moments where I thought I wouldn’t and I couldn’t. Yet, here I am. 

I love you Noah. Thank you for the joy, love, and light you brought into our lives.  You made us look at life in a different and wonderful way, something you still do. 

About Noah

Noah, beloved son of Luke and Ashley Catto of Calgary, AB, passed away surrounded by his loving family on March 18, 2018 at the age of 3 years. Noah was born in Calgary, Alberta on July 11, 2014. Noah was a boy full of life, joy, and light who loved Paw Patrol, cars, singing and playing outside.

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